Tony Hawk and Tony Hawks are not the same person.
Tony Hawk is an American whizz kid skateboarding champion, whilst I am a startlingly good-looking British male model. So why the confusion? Yet, each week I receive email from young people from all over the world congratulating me on my skateboarding prowess and asking advice on how to do various manoeuvres.
Below are some emails I have received and my rather mischievous replies. Click on the question to see my replies listed below them.
The best 'cheat' is to go to a store, find Pro Skater 3 and then leave the shop without paying for it. If they catch you, just say that I said it was OK.
PS. Remember that prison life can be hard.
I must make this clear: I am not your biggest fan. I don't know you from Adam, and the chances are that if I did, I would still find you a somewhat unimpressive figure.
I am not your number one fan and I'm certainly not coming to Wigan.
What do I have to do to keep the people of Kernville off my back? I've already built a ruddy big skate park, now you want stickers and grip tape. Look, I hardly have any grip tape left. If I give my last bit to you then what will I have to grip with? I'm not sure if my visit would - as you say - blow your town away - but with interest I will watch to see if the path of the next big tornado to hit the US does its bit to satisfy your self destructive longings. Yours, with a strong grip
Ps. You're not my disciple. Jesus had disciples and look what happened to him. And to be fair, he had actually met his disciples. I have not met you, and I'm both confident and hopeful that I can keep it that way.
First of all I hope your name isn’t ‘Ij’ and the first part a pre-fix. Thank you for your request for me to open a skateboarding place somewhere in India. I’m no expert, but I understand that India is quite a big place with a not altogether efficient transport infrastructure, so I admire your seeming indifference as to where I open this ‘skateboarding place’. If I ever do get around to it (which would need me to get over a severe case of ‘I really can’t be arsed’) I do hope that you don’t have to travel longer than 24 hours to get there or it might take the zip out of your olly – as we hip dudes like to say in the game.
If I came to your house, jumped on your ramp and then went for an ice cream and a walk along the beach to see the sunset, you have absolutely no idea how much trouble I'd get into.
I would happily supply you with some crack if I could get hold of any.
PS. I don't rule that much. Only in Ecuador and a small island off Denmark. (I like to think of myself as a benevolent dictator)
Hi Eric, Lone Tree is an excellent name for a town. But only if it has one tree. If it has two then we'd all feel cheated. Can you wander round and have a check? When I'm satisfied there's just the one tree I'll answer your other queries.
You can have my Audagraph just as soon as we can get it fixed and running properly. As you will be aware, the Audagraph is a complex piece of machinery and needs constant oiling and I'm afraid that I have been rather remiss with this of late.
There must be some mistake. There are no people in London called Chris. I went out all day yesterday and asked around. Very disappointing. No 'Chris'es at all.
Perhaps you've got me mixed up with the Uruguayan politician Chesney Hawkes?
I didn’t see that episdode of the Simpsons because I was smoking my pipe, and I’m smoking it again now. And I can tell you it is a full pipe. I can’t remember whether I did the voice on the show but this may because of what is in the pipe. Got to go now as I have the munchies.